ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
