last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize