12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
