I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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