i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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