im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
