is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
