i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
