did you get engaged???
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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