You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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