please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
