Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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