dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
