I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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