she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
