Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
