what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
