well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
