That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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