I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
