Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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