is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
