found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
