Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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