you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
