Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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