my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
