You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
