I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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