guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
