I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it hurts more in the daytime
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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