i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
