Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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