i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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