You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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