and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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