he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
