apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize