dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
