Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
