you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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