she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
