Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
