ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
