I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
