I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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