there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
