i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
