this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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