It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
