im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
