What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
did i walk over a car last night?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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