another moral hangover. fuck.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
