So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
