...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
