I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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