I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
