I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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