drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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