It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
time to smoke my breakfast
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
