...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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