Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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