By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
