And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
